“My chains are gone, I’ve been set free…” These are lyrics from the song Amazing Grace (My Chains are Gone) by Chris Tomlin, and they speak straight to my heart for two reasons. First, I feel that my daughter was set free from the chains of her medical complications, which included extreme brain damage, as she left my arms to be with the Lord well over two years ago. That is why we had the song Amazing Grace played at her funeral. Though I was saddened beyond all means by my daughter’s death, I felt it was God’s grace that called her home. I was comforted by my belief that in her death she had been freed from the chains that would have bound her so tightly here on earth. But the second reason these lyrics are most meaningful to me is that I feel my chains have been broken…I feel I have been set free since seeking relief from my grief in the arms of our Lord and Savior.
After my daughter passed away, I felt I would be forever bound by the chains of grief. Though I was aware of God’s promises of good things for those who know and love Him, I saw no way for “good” to ever return to my life. I believed the burden of grieving for my lost child would prevent me from ever being truly happy. Essentially, I stopped believing in God’s promises.
But my disbelief and distrust in the Lord left me without hope. No earthly thing had been able to comfort me in my grief. Nothing had been able to convince me that my life would be good again. And eventually, I tired of the hopelessness. Even though I could not see how they might come to fruition, I made the choice to believe in the sovereignty of God’s plan for my life and in His promises. And choosing to believe in Him, putting my trust in Him, has allowed Him to work extraordinary measures in my life.
Choosing to trust God with my situation unlocked the chains. Though it still took time for the chains of my grief to fall, freedom began the moment I chose to trust the Lord. It wasn’t up to me to reconcile my daughter’s death. It was up to the Lord. And turning to God brought peace to my soul. Philippians 4:7 states, “And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” It is that peace which inspired me to write my book, A Place of Peace.
Once I chose to trust God, I began to study Him more. I wanted to know more about how He might work in my life and all that He promises to do. Learning about Him, and all that He has done, and all that He is going to do, has allowed me great appreciation for Him. And that appreciation has lead to adoration.
Because I have learned to focus on Him and Him alone, the chains of my earthly way of living and of my grief are gone. I have learned how to love the Lord with all my heart, with all my soul, and with all my mind, which is described by Jesus in Matthew 28:37 as the greatest commandment.
I recently wrote in another blog (visit http://www.fetalhope.org/) about the freedom that comes from accepting God’s sovereign plan. Accepting and believing in God’s plan for me is what broke the chains and freed me into living what I feel is an extraordinary life. Mark 8:35 says, “Only those who throw their lives away for my sake, and for the sake of the good news, will ever know what it means to really live.” I feel that this is so true. Only now, only since my chains have been broken, do I feel I have been set free to live!
2 comments:
I am truly inspired by your words and courage. I'm going to go buy your book this weekend. You have a beautiful soul that I feel was meant to encourage others through their pain. God does have a plan for you and part of it is your willingness to spread the news that He is there for us through it all. You've help change the lives of so many whom are lost and hurting with your heartfelt words and telling about your journey with the loss of your sweet angel. I too am a mom of twin girls. We also battled TTTS and still to this day my heart sinks when I hear about how this disease has taken another sweet baby. I found you through Fetal Hope. I was looking for help in finding support in dealing with such grief. I'm just serching for the right words to help my best friend through her pain. She first lost her Mom to cancer in November then a few short weeks after she died her unborn baby boy's heartbeat stopped just three weeks before he was to be born. Doctors said his umbilical cord was wrapped tightly around his leg stopping blood flow. We cannot help but ask God why!!?? I've been looking for awhile for a book such as yours to help my friend through her grief. From what I've read so far I know your book will help. I've been at a loss for words. Thank you for writing your book. I'm shocked to learn you are so close to home too. God bless you and your beautiful family and Thank you again for being a our hero. Here is a link to my blog so you can learn more about us and our journey with TTTS.
www.seedsinmyheartbycami.blogspot.com
Thank you again from the bottom of my heart.
Cami Smith
mom of Katelyn & Lexi - 8 yrs old TTTS miracles and Sydnee - 15 months.
Jenny,
I lost my daughter Mackenzie on April 8, 2008, only 5 months ago. Her death was unexpected and she died in our home. She was with me, her father, and one of her grandmothers and my the Lord Jesus Christ. He was there to carry her in His arms to Heaven. That is her home now. I too have been and am struggling with the same doubts about God and my faith and have recently asked a prayer group that I am a member of to be praying extra for me and my husband as we have been reliving Mackenzie's death over and over again. One of my dear friends gave me the link to your websit. I am so grateful that she and God have led me to your site. I just ordered your book and am looking forward to reading it. Thank you for sharing your story, as personal and painful it must have been to write. We, other survivors of tragedy, thank you very much.
May God Bless you and your family.
Shannon
Post a Comment