Q&A

"Your road led through the sea, your pathway through the mighty waters - a pathway no one knew was there!"  Psalm 77:19

Psalm 77:19 is a glorious reminder of God's ways.  He often plans a path for us which we didn't even know was there; and that is why we are called to walk by faith.

I read Psalm 77 during my quiet time this morning and if you are unfamiliar with this Psalm, I hope you will allow me the grace to summarize...

The Psalmist is crying out to God, feeling as though he has been forgotten by the Lord.  He calls out in distress; he can't sleep; he can hardly pray; he remembers good times in the Lord and questions where God is now that he really needs Him.  The Psalmist spews a string of questions; questions which mirror the doubts I had about God after Alysa passed away.

I began writing a blog titled "Q&A" nearly one year ago after the release of the song "Yours" by Steven Curtis Chapman.  In his song, Mr. Chapman sings that he’s “walked the valley of death…and questioned everything that he’s believed” (referring to the death of his beloved daughter in May 2008).  For some reason, I never finished my thoughts.  But when I read Psalm 77 this morning, I was reminded of the questions I had for God after I traveled through the valley of death, watching my own daughter pass away in my arms.

Tragedy often causes us to question our faith.  Sometimes, this can be the scariest experience of all—questioning everything in which you’ve ever believed. It can be especially frightening if you can’t find the answers…or worse yet…don’t even know where to look. I pray that this topic will be the premise of another book.  But for anyone questioning their faith now, let me share with you where I netted out a few years ago in my own Q&A session with God.

Q – How could God allow this to happen? Where was God when our twins became sick? When Alysa died in my arms? Was my big good God not as great and as mighty as I once thought? Had I slipped His mind? Had He made a mistake? Was He not in control?

As a woman of faith, I believe that God is always in control. But I questioned how my big, good God could have let these tragedies occur in my life. I had always believed that God wanted good things for His children, for those who believed in Him. So when tragedy stuck my life, I was instantly thrown off course. I could not comprehend how these heart wrenching events had been allowed to happen to me. I wanted to believe that God had made a mistake—but the God I knew didn’t make mistakes. I questioned if He was really in control—but the thought of God not being in control was more than I could bear.

A – The bible reads, “When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, and I am with you” (Isaiah 43:2, 3, & 5). Psalm 121:3 reads, “He will not let your foot slip—he who watches over you will not slumber.” Psalm 139:16 reads, “All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.” Hebrews 13:5 reads, "Never will I leave you; never will I forsake you."

God never promised that life would be easy. In fact, in John 16:33, the bible says just opposite, “In this world you will have trouble...” But He promises to be there, “…take heart! I have over come the world” (John 16:33). The truth is God is always there! The circumstances surrounding our twins are the events He ordained for me. But this truth wasn’t enough…selfishly, I wanted to know more...

Q – Why did God allow my daughter to die?

A – I believe I will never fully understand in this lifetime why certain things happen (see previous blog entry!). However, I have discovered and accepted that God has purpose in every event. Romans 11:36 reads, “Everything comes from God alone. Everything lives by his power and everything is for his glory.” I may not like the fact that my daughter passed away, but knowing that God has purpose in it brings me peace. Am I mad at God for having purpose in my daughter’s death? I was, but God has done so much for me, first, in my salvation through His Son (which should have been enough for me, but sadly, it wasn’t) and second in giving me hope after my daughter passed away, that I’ve learned to "love the Lord my God with all my heart, with all my mind, with all my soul and with all my strength," as Jesus describes as the greatest commandment in Mark 12:30. I love the Lord so much that I see it as a privilege for God to use me and my life and my circumstances for His glory.

Q – Was it my fault? Was God mad at me? Did I do something to bring this upon myself?

A – John 9:2 describes a time when the disciples questioned Jesus, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?" Jesus replied, “Neither this man nor his parents sinned, but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life.” It wasn’t my fault. Our experience played out so that the work of God Almighty might be revealed in our healing, in our coming to know Him, in our proclamation of His truths!

Q – How would I ever overcome Alysa’s death? Could I ever be happy, live greatly again?

A – I was familiar with scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 2:9, which reads, “no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love Him,” but I saw no way for goodness to return to my life after Alysa’s death. However, I eventually realized that if I wanted all the “good” things I’d read in the bible to apply to my life, then I had to accept everything I’d read; I had to believe in the author of what I’d read...I had to believe in God.

Rom 8:28 reads, “And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.” It doesn’t say in some things, it says in ALL things. I couldn’t make sense of things, so I had to trust God to hold true to His promises. I had to accept Alysa’s death and trust God to pull me through. Trusting God instantly brought me freedom. It wasn’t up to me anymore to figure things out. It was up to God. Surrendering to Him, turning to Him for answers brought me peace…and allowed and encouraged me to trust Him more. God used Alysa’s death to draw me into an intimate relationship with Him.

Ephesians 3:20 claims that God “is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine.” And He is! But He does it “according to His power that is at work within us.” You must trust and believe Him in order for His power to work within you.  Mark 8:35 reads, "Only those who throw away their lives for my sake and for the sake of the Good News will ever know what it means to really live.”  It's true.  Only since learning to live His way have I begun to truly live!

I don’t know what each of you may be going through. I can’t give you all the answers.  But I can lead you to the truth. In Jeremiah 33:3, the Lord says, “Call to me…” It says to call Him, ask Him, question Him, scream at Him if you must…just go to Him. And then He says, “…and I will answer you” – He’ll answer you! – “and show you great and mighty things that you do not know.” Seek Him. Trust Him. Learn to love Him. Let Him lead you down the “pathway you didn’t even know was there” and "show you great and mighty things that you do not know!"